2021 Goals Changing Habits

J G Boesiger

October 15, 2020 was when I lost Timber my wolfdog of 11 years 8 months. I had her since she was 6 weeks old. One of the reasons it’s so hard is because she was a special, unique and rare creature. For many reasons it’s has been difficult to deal with the loss.

I have found one thing and one thing only gives me any relief. A habit I developed to escape the pain because it gets my mind off Timber. THE ONLY THING. That thing is the news. I’ve become obsessed with the news. It was timing with the election on Nov 2 and Timber’s passing on Oct 15. Now it has continued and takes up much of my time.

I wake up at 5 am and shoot out of bed in a panic of sadness I turn the news on. I go to bed sad so I turn on the news. During the day. For lunch. It helps so much. I feel a need for it even now as I type this. I have an obsessive and addictive personality. Sometimes I don’t approve of my thoughts and they can be repetitive and thourogh. I don’t mind being addicted and obsessing over art, bigfoot, giants, rocks, painting, music and so on.

It’s been over 3 months it’s time for me to do what I want and stop being a victim to my thoughts. It’s hard to say I want to stop thinking about her but while it’s happening (not thinking about her) it’s peaceful. Thinking of her is just pain, death, fear, sadness, pain, loss, agony, futility and defeat.

You wouldn’t know if you saw me watching the news that this was helping. You would probably think I should stop watching the news because I am get too upset. Too mad and angry and I should calm down. Advice like that would just snap me right back into depression. I tell them please, can’t I just have a break from crying?! Let me watch the news!!!!

I’m going to switch gears now and start painting and making videos. It will be difficult for a month but if I follow through, I will be painting and making videos like I wash dishes and make dinner!

I’m not ready to get another dog but my husband wants to go tomorrow!!!! I don’t want to yet. I need to get into my new routine first. I’m not settled in yet. I just hung 13 paintings of Timber on the wall. I’m afraid I will compare and I need to not do that. I just don’t feel ready yet and I don’t know if I should let him push me into it or if I should insist on waiting. We’re supposed to leave at 10 am and it’s 1 am now. ._.

Published by J G Boesiger

My name is Jenna G Boesiger. I have been a fine artist since 1985 when I began working as an artist apprentice for artists Margo Mandette and Robin Anderson in Jerome, Arizona when I was still in High School. I have been oil painting ever since. I first learned to oil paint on location along the Verde River in Lower Clarkdale, Arizona. Already in the photo lab in High School, I modified my painting process and used photography as a companion to painting. Back in 1986, I began going on adventurous wilderness landscape photoshoots and using my photos as reference for my paintings. That has been my method and passion since 1987. If I paint something once, I must paint it again and again. That is why I always paint subjects/objects as an ongoing series. It started with river landscapes, then I moved to La Jolla, California and it was seascapes, the I majored in Astronomy for a moment in college and it was spacescapes, then pet portraits with my cat Jupiter, to wild animals, people portraits, night rain city scapes, earth from orbit , flowers, and recently geoglyphs. I love starting new paintings, finishing old ones and of course, selling them! My style takes my love for mother nature and obsession with father time and attempts to capture Impressionistic frozen moments in motion. Moments like memories can become blurry, and in motion solid subjects can appear as semi-transparent light. A few years ago I became passionate about animal rights. Educating myself about current animal rights issues I felt hopeless that I could make a difference. The difference between last year and this one is $0.00 and over $400 donated to animal charities from my eBay painting sales. I know that if I want to increse that number next year, I will have to do more, and increase my presence on the web. #goals #newyear2020 #animalrights It's not enough but it's a start. I know in order to increase that number I will have to do more and that is my goal. Paint more, sell more, donate more. I'm going to start by opening more online stores, blogging and my website. Long term goals... maybe an animal rights charity auction gala.

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