Who I am VS Who I want to Be

J G Boesiger

It is Jan. 2020 and my blogs have been about my goals and plans to focus on painting. I talk a lot about having a strong work ethic, a strict regime with painting as my one true passion. You may wonder, why all the hype it may even sound like I hate painting and go to great lengths to force myself to paint when I don’t even want to. All because I want to be a master!

It’s time for me to get real. The truth. There is a reason for me wanting to micro manage my time and stay on my grind and make an entire blog dedicated to how to stay motivated and inspired to paint. The truth is because the real true me is not a master of one, but a jack of all traits. I have tried to fight it. I have chosen painting over everything but… when I am in the moment and feeling passionate about something, I am not able to set it aside and focus on painting.

The New Year started 13 days ago and I haven’t painted once. I am about to but that’s not how my NY 2020 was supposed to go down. The reason I haven’t been able to fullfill my NY Goals yet is because… I had to make a DJ mix. It has been so important for me to figure out this DnB / Animal Rights / Bigfoot mix that I have been dj’ing instead of painting. Not to mention my current obsession researching and exploring the salton sea.

This is why I go to such great lengths to get myself to stay focused on painting. Now that I have started this blog filled with how I am going to be a master painter starting jan. 01, 2020, and basically it was some bullshit, I’m going to admit it. I’m no master, nor will I ever be a specialist. Why? Because I have too many other passions.

Real reasons I am not a successful master painter even though I have been oil painting since I was 16: Bigfoot, giants, ufo’s, rocks, exploring and researching, making videos and photography as a vegan chef, bigfoot researcher, oil painter, DJ, author (I have started to write several books, one is quite long about my bigfoot research) and rockhound. I’m obsessed with archaeology, paleonology, astronomy, geology, photography, vocals and the mic, song writing, animal rights activism and advocacy AND I’m often my own muse. Being my own muse requires a lot of time as well.

It’s time for me to get real with my blog. I will be blogging about ALL my passions. I will try to focus on painting but the truth is I can’t always control my obsessions and compulsions. Often I am compelled to spend hours obsessing over google sky maps. It takes up a lot of my time. Researching and planning out my quests in great detail. With fear in my heart I gather my courage and explore remote locations like an investigator.

When I use the word obsess, I am not using the word lightly. My level of obsessing could be considered psychotic. It can be a problem (especially in the past) if I obsess and then become compelled to do “bad” things. If I am obsessing over negative things, if I can’t control my thoughts they can control me.

One the other hand when I obsess over things I am passionate and curious about, and I am compelled to express myself creatively, that’s what I live for. I need to have these passions for my obsessive compulsive mind to feed on otherwise I would fall victim to it. I have to keep my mind busy, full and satiated or it will find it’s own things to obsess over and that could cause depression, insanity, panic attacks, fear that is dehabilitating, insecurity, and so on.

Published by J G Boesiger

My name is Jenna G Boesiger. I have been a fine artist since 1985 when I began working as an artist apprentice for artists Margo Mandette and Robin Anderson in Jerome, Arizona when I was still in High School. I have been oil painting ever since. I first learned to oil paint on location along the Verde River in Lower Clarkdale, Arizona. Already in the photo lab in High School, I modified my painting process and used photography as a companion to painting. Back in 1986, I began going on adventurous wilderness landscape photoshoots and using my photos as reference for my paintings. That has been my method and passion since 1987. If I paint something once, I must paint it again and again. That is why I always paint subjects/objects as an ongoing series. It started with river landscapes, then I moved to La Jolla, California and it was seascapes, the I majored in Astronomy for a moment in college and it was spacescapes, then pet portraits with my cat Jupiter, to wild animals, people portraits, night rain city scapes, earth from orbit , flowers, and recently geoglyphs. I love starting new paintings, finishing old ones and of course, selling them! My style takes my love for mother nature and obsession with father time and attempts to capture Impressionistic frozen moments in motion. Moments like memories can become blurry, and in motion solid subjects can appear as semi-transparent light. A few years ago I became passionate about animal rights. Educating myself about current animal rights issues I felt hopeless that I could make a difference. The difference between last year and this one is $0.00 and over $400 donated to animal charities from my eBay painting sales. I know that if I want to increse that number next year, I will have to do more, and increase my presence on the web. #goals #newyear2020 #animalrights It's not enough but it's a start. I know in order to increase that number I will have to do more and that is my goal. Paint more, sell more, donate more. I'm going to start by opening more online stores, blogging and my website. Long term goals... maybe an animal rights charity auction gala.

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